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Big pharma invents new mental disorder in order to get more money from patients

Pfizer Corp. announced its introduction and cure of a widespread new mental disorder today.
© Reuters
© Reuters

Characterized by periodic feelings ranging from uncertainty to anxiety relating specifically to the individual’s mental health, Transient Borderline Dysmorphic Personality Disorder, or TBDP, could affect some 70% of the population, according to the company’s findings.

“The otherwise healthy subject will occasionally find him or herself wondering if there is something wrong with them – in particular if they are suffering from a mental disorder such as depression, a personality or anxiety disorder, or some other type of mental condition,” Pfizer spokesman Tyler Byrd described.

Though its causes remain undefined, Byrd emphasizes that this lack of understanding doesn’t make TBDP any less serious.

“The fact is, if you think there might be something wrong with you, there already is,” he said. “Our studies have shown that many people diagnosed with TBDP also show symptoms of temporary mood swings, irritability, mild to moderate weight gain or loss, transitory self doubt and lethargy.”

Fortunately for TBDP sufferers, Pfizer also announced today having received FDA approval for the distribution of Placevilor, a new drug shown to be highly effective at treating the disorder.

Clinical trials of Placevilor have shown side effects that include dizziness, drowsiness, nausea, anxiety, mild to severe mood swings, weight gain, kidney damage, cardiomyopathy, strokes, depression, and suicidal thoughts or actions.